last time i wrote here, i was quite an emotional man. i was saddened deeply by the idea that i may have never gotten the chance with this girl that i had just spent a few days with but made me feel something that i had not felt in a very long time. perhaps it was all an overreaction and over-exaggeration of the feelings that i felt that night. i thought reality had caught up to me and logic would win once again, preventing my desires from coming to fruition.
but i write now with a lightened heart, one that is becoming slightly fuller and fuller each day. i write now with a sense of hope and, though illogical, and sense of ambition for someone that will only leave come December. i am filled a little more joy and peace than i had before. i possess a sense of confidence only a man who is content has.
it all started this past summer, when i got closer to charis. we would always hangout together and we spent a lot of time together, the three of us. i never really considered anything between me and her. i never gave it a thought. perhaps after getting that match soft serve i had a sense of something but i kind of played it off. the time we spent together i was very happy and i laughed and smiled, genuinely. then came after she came back from missions. a joke started that her and i were “dating”. i kept it going because it was fun and i didnt think it would amount to anything. but then she started talking to me. i didnt hate it so i kept it going. then one day, i wasnt feeling being social so i was social with her. we spent all day together, “studied”, discovered new food places, got dim sum, strolled through the mall, and that night we went out and got pretty drunk together. i was out of it and near the end, i even tried to hold her hand. after that night, i felt good. i thought it was all good and i had the time of my life. then for the next week we each went through our own little journey through our thoughts and emotions. then, the night before i went home, she asked me “hey can we talk when you get back?”. one week later, i spending it in wisconsin and her in pennsylvania, we talked. and then we became a thing. we started to see each other. officially.
im not sure who exactly you are, and who you are to me. im not sure what we are and what we are doing. but i do know one thing. with you, its different. you are compassionate, you care, you show your love in many ways. i see it through your actions and i admire you and respect you for that. i also love how ambitious you are and how big of a heart you have for Jesus. i am very excited to be on this journey with you and i hope with all my heart that we will only go uphill from here. lets do this.